


A Royal Love Affair

by jilliannholtzmann



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: AU, F/F, Jillian Holtzmann is a Lesbian, Princess!AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-29 10:42:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7681219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jilliannholtzmann/pseuds/jilliannholtzmann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU, where most cities are small nations and Jillian Holtzmann is the princess of the Isle of New York. Headstrong and dependent on her books more than her social life people have labeled her crazy. So what happens when the reader, an intelligent woman, steals Jillian’s breath away and strolls into her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Preparation

My mother always told me how lucky I was to be growing up in an age where women could do so many things. 

“I never learned how to read until I met your father.” She would say, “my mother wouldn’t allow it.”

I always felt incredibly grateful that she let me do the things I liked when I was younger, and let me explore the world. I saw other girls in the village who could barely write a letter, let alone have an entire library for themselves.

But I guess that comes with being the daughter of royalty. My father, the Count, is a very modern man and believes in the sciences, much to his family’s dismay. They were also shocked to hear that he had gotten his new wife a tutor so that she was just as literate as he was; and when he heard that she was pregnant, he vowed that his children would grow into the most refined people in the kingdom. 

I am the second oldest after my brother Charles and before my two younger brothers Arthur and James. Growing up I was spoiled to death as I was his only daughter, and my mother, controlled by her roots, planned to marry me off so that I may have the best life.

And now her plan is beginning to take fruition as I have recently turned 19 and am considered a woman. 

I sit with my mother in the drawing room, working on some embroidery that has kept myself occupied the last couple of days. 

“Did you hear of the ball the Beckman’s are holding in a few weeks?” My mother asks, trying to be subtle but failing horribly.

“Yes, I believe Erin told me about it the other day. I supposed we’re going to be in attendance." 

"Why of course we are! The grand duke and his family will be there!" 

Of course, my mother knows the guest list by heart. Despite my father’s efforts, she still holds gossip on her tongue like her favourite wine. My father loves her all the same.

"Do you really think that anyone will be interested in me?” My mother’s wish for me was to marry as high up to the crown that I could, and that included other nations as well.

My mother had her eye set on the Isle of New York and their families. It was a large city where I could grow and prosper; a place to build the life I had always wanted.

“My dear! Don’t insult me so. I have raised you to be a beautiful, well-mannered young woman, and your father has given you the rest,” she joked. 

I smile at her warmly, her figure almost glowing in the sun as it shone through the tall windows. A light breeze sweeps by, gently turning the see-through curtains, making them dance.

“I do hope that you could become queen of New York, but the Grand Duchess is not a bad title either.”

Despite my expansive education, I was not that familiar with the lineage of high-ranking royalty on the Isle of New York. This made me quirk my brow in confusion.

“Surely I could become queen mother.”

“Being social was never one of your stronger suits was it, my dear. The king and queen have but one daughter, your age I believe, and it is said that she is out of her mind. You would have to find another way to be queen.”

I gasp at the notion. No son? And a daughter who is mad? If their daughter is never married…

“If their daughter does not marry it must mean that the crown will go to the grand duke!”

“My smart girl, I knew you would figure it out.”

“You don’t think to introduce me to the grand duke’s son do you?”

“Why do you insult me so much today! My dear of course I do.”

I know then that if this is my mother’s plan I must know more about the Isle. I stand, placing my cloth to side. “May I be excused, mother? I wish to go and prepare for the ball.”

It suddenly strikes me how very little time I have to prepare. Not only must I study on the history of the Isle and the families there, but I must also learn the steps to the newest dance that had surfaced, and have a new dress fitted. 

“Of course my love. The dressmaker will be here tomorrow after lunch, and your tutor here later in the evening. Now off you go, you’ll have a few very busy weeks.”

*Miles away on the Isle of New York*

Jillian sat on the balcony which accompanied her room, watching the sky as birds flew past, marveling in how they could fly free. She spent most of her days like this, taking one subject and studying it until she knew how every mechanism worked, much to her mother’s dismay. Jillian would rather stay locked up in her father’s library, reading the latest in scientific theories instead of dancing at balls and talking the night away with a million people she didn’t know. She was fascinated by the way the world worked, and for that society had labeled her insane. She would never understand it. 

From within the house, she could hear her mother coming, the incessant clicking of her heels would drive her crazy one day. She assessed her situation and wondered if she had time enough to hide. Wearing only a shift, the large gown she was supposed to be wearing would not reveal her location, but before she could choose one spot, her mother came rushing out, her cheeks flushed and the glint in her eye that Jillian knew meant trouble.

Before her mother could say what she wanted, she noticed the way her daughter was dressed and sighed heavily. 

“What is the point of us buying you those lovely dresses when all you do is run around in your undergarments?” she turns to go back inside and to her daughter’s wardrobe and fetches a robe to tie around her daughter securely. Jillian doesn’t answer, there’s no point to it. The dresses are so uncomfortable; the wires poke her all the times and her breasts hurt from constantly being pushed up by the itchy material. So she lets her mother rant for a few moments before cutting in.

“What did you want to see me about?”

The look in her mother’s eyes turns almost murderous as she remembers why she came to see her daughter in the first place.

“You know exactly why I’m here! You made a fool of yourself in front of the Count today! I can’t believe you; after all the strings your father pulled, and all my hard work planning the trip for them you were late and showed no interest in him! I don’t know what to do with you! It’s like no boy is good enough.”

She sighs, recalling the last hour. It was a mess. She put off getting ready to see the count as long as she could, and when she finally arrived to see the count and his traveling mate, he was fuming. That was not the kind of man she wanted to be attached to for the rest of her life.

“But mother you should have seen him! Before I could walk through the door I could hear him screaming profanities and when I walked in he was not gentlemanly at all. If that’s how he reacts when a lady is a little late, and as a guest of all places, imagine how would act at home and in more dire situations!’

She knew that these excuses were good, but she still felt bad for having to bring them up. The fact is that no boy had made her feel anything worried her almost as much as it worried her mother. She had met literally hundreds of young men vying for her attention, but they had all seemed fake and insincere. They were all after her dowry and her title, not for her quirks, or for her brain. 

And otherwise, she had never physically attracted to any man. Her close friend Abby always keeps her updated with the latest gossip, who is courting who, who likes the other and blah blah blah. Because she never felt anything like that, she couldn’t be invested in it. Well, that’s a lie she tells herself; once Abby had a friend named Erin who, whenever she spoke, made Jillian feel all warm inside, but she tried not to think of it. Women were not supposed to feel like that toward each other, and so when Erin moved to be married, she was relieved. 

Her mother brings her back with a sigh and a hand on her shoulder.

"Oh honey, I didn’t know that! Like your father always says, a ruler with a short temper lives a short life.” Her hand runs reassuringly against the silk of the robe and Jillian smiles in appreciation. As crazy as her mother gets, she knows she does it for her and she’s thankful.

“Well, you’ll be happy to hear that you have no more suitors visiting for the next two weeks-”

Jillian is so happy she almost dances, but she holds her restraint. No suitors meant more time she could spend with her father.

“-but we will be attending your uncle’s ball and I beg you, please try and meet someone there. You’re getting close to twenty and should be married soon.”

Jillian sighs, knowing what the newest gossip about her must be with this information, but she can’t bring herself to care, although she knows how much it affects her mother.

“I will try, for you,” she says as she takes her mother’s hands into her own.  
The smile on her mother’s face is thanks enough. 

“Thank you, my love! Patty will be here soon to escort you to the dressmaker, be ready this time!” she shouts as she leaves, probably to get ready and make arrangements for the ball.

Jillian sighs for what feels like the millionth time that day and flops onto her bed. She wants to make her mother happy, but not at the price of her own happiness.

Jillian believes in true love, she’s seen it with her parents, but she’s never been close to finding it, and with all that Jillian has learned and read, that’s what scares her most of all.


	2. At A Glance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ball begins and our characters see each other for the first time.

It seems as if the past two weeks have conjoined into one very long day. The preparations seemingly never ending; whether it be learning the newest dance, or making sure the dress fits just right, or that I know New York’s history like the back of my hand, the days seemly never end. But finally the day arrives and I sit in my room, the vanity showing me all the people who hurry around me. 

One girl styles my hair while another applies powder to my face with some rouge to brighten my cheeks. I try to relax, I usually enjoy having the time to think about nothing, but now only nervousness runs through my head. I can only think of terrible situations. After reading up on the grand duke I found that his son, Kevin, attended one of the most renowned schools in the city. What if he thinks I’m not that smart, what if he thinks I’m not that attractive? What if he thinks I’m dull? 

I can’t help but pick at my hands, trying to relieve some of the stress that bottles up inside me. Thankfully the girls don’t take too log and before long I have the biggest hoop skirt I have ever worn around my waist, and my servants are helping me pull the fabric of the dress around my styled hair. The colour is my favourite and highlights my skin tone beautifully. As Amanda, the eldest of all of them begins to lace up the corset and tighten it, I take in the details of the dress. The collar is ruffled, the tops of my breasts just peaking through. The waistline is defined by a beautiful bow, and sequins sewed into the bodice shine in the light. The silk is smooth against the skin of my arms and the skirt is lighter than I had thought it would be. 

Mother comes in as they finish, she’s wearing a dark blue dress with longer sleeves and an emerald sits in the nestle of her collarbone.

“My dear you look exquisite!”

“Thank you mother, but I do see where I get it from!”

She laughs as she picks up my perfume bottle and begins to spray the flowery scent on my collarbone, wrists, and the back of my neck.

“We got you a gift dear.”

“Oh, mother you really shouldn’t have.”

She reaches inside her pouch and retrieves a small black velvet box which she hands to me. I run my fingers against the soft material and look up at her.

“What is it?”

“Find out for yourself my dear.”

I open it gently to find my birthstone in the shape of an oval with a silver chain inside.

“Mother!”

“Do you like it?”

“I love it! Would you put it on for me?”

I turn and pull my hair back so that she can place it on me. The chain is the perfect length and when I look in the mirror I realized it was the piece I didn’t realize was missing. I hug my mother tightly, the anxiety from before disappearing.

“I’m glad you like it dear. Now we better get going, we don’t want to keep your father waiting.”

We quickly head to the main hall of the house and see my brothers with my father waiting below the stairs.

“Ah, my loves! Are we ready?” my father calls when he sees us approaching. 

“Yes, father!” I almost run down the stairs to him, maneuvering the dress perfectly.

“Y/N you look beautiful,” James says as he turns to see me.

I smile at him and hold my hand out for him to playfully kiss. He may be the youngest, but he has the most charm out of all my brothers. We all walk to the carriage silently, the air almost buzzing with excitement; we all know how important this night is. 

*At the same time, in New York*

Jillian likes getting ready for a social gathering, she likes to see the way people react and how much more vulnerable they become as they more easily show their emotions. Jillian knows every step when it comes to getting ready, and it feels as if everyone around her works in a blinding speed getting her ready. Before she realizes it, everyone is out of her room and is replaced by her mother, her hand on Jillian’s shoulder. 

“You look lovely my dear; like a queen.”

That always sounded odd to Jillian. Queen. She could never see herself that way. Maybe on her coronation day, perhaps. 

“Thank you, mother." 

"Are you all ready to go? You know, your cousin is looking forward to seeing you again.”

“I saw him last week, I swear he has the memory of a fish.”

“Oh but he loves you all the more does he not?”

Her cousin Kevin was the exact opposite of her; Jillian believed that there was a purpose to everything, and she wanted to learn all of it, whereas Kevin didn’t care to question a thing, he just did what he wanted and never thought of anything else. Jillian was almost jealous of him for that; Kevin wasn’t as nearly scrutinized as she was. She wondered what is was like. 

*Y/N’S POV*

The trip to to the Beckman estate was about 2 hours, and I find myself happy that father has taken our most comfortable carriage. I sit with my parents in the first, while James and Arthur sit in the second. By the time the carriage has stopped at its final location, I almost cry in happiness, ready to stretch my legs. My father takes mother’s hand under his arm, and Arthur takes mine as well as we walked in, ready to be introduced. The halls are filled with people, laughing and chatting away. This is the first time I've ever been here; I know no one. 

A loud roar of a trumpet brings me out of my haze, making me jump a bit. Arthur snickers beside me.

“The Count and Countess (F/N) (L/N) and Lords Arthur (L/N), James (L/N) and Lady (Y/N) (L/N),” speaks a booming voice, introducing us. 

From behind my father, I can see the Grand Duke; his hair is gray and styled to the back, his military outfit on. 

I carefully walk down the grand staircase, aware that almost all eyes are on on us. 

“You royal highness, what a pleasure to see you again,” I hear my father say. 

“And you as well my friend. Your wife is as beautiful as ever.” 

I see my mother bow before him, and this is the first glance I get of Kevin. His blond hair is styled almost exactly like his father’s and his blue eyes seem almost vacant, not staying on one subject for very long. I see the way the other girls in the room look at him and I am reminded why I was nervous all of the sudden. I didn’t have a chance with him, I realize. It’s hopeless.

“Please let me introduce you to my two sons Arthur and James,” Arthur lets go of my hand and joins James in front on me, bowing at the waist for a moment, “and my daughter, (Y/N).”

I step forward carefully and lower myself into a deep bow in front of the grand duke, smiling up at him. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir. Thank you for having us in your lovely home.“

The grand duke smiles up at me and takes my hand, placing a small kiss on the top of it. "It is a pleasure for us to have you here Lady (Y/N). Please let me introduce you to my son, Kevin Beckman.”

I look up at his tall figure to see him looking at me. His smile is warm and inviting and I feel at ease at the sound of his voice.

“It is a pleasure to meet you Lady (Y/N). I hope that you’re able to save a dance for me later.”

I smile up at him, only able to nod.

“Splendid.”

We move away so that the next family can say their welcomes, and are escorted to a table where I’m finally able to catch my breath.

“He asked you for a dance my dear, how wonderful!” my mother covers up her excitement with her fan, waving it in front of her face as she speaks.

“He’s quite handsome,” I admit, my mother almost squeals in delight, and my father smiles at me knowingly. 

*Jillian POV*

There’s already so many people by the time that they arrive, but the guards from an unbreakable line that starts at their carriage and ends at the steps where they will meet her uncle. Everyone grows silent as they walk, though the band continues to play a light melody. Jillian can’t help but see the way her subjects stare at her, almost as if she’s an oddity at some carnival that they’ve never seen before. Her attention is drawn to her uncle who bows as they approach the tops of the steps. 

“My wonderful brother! How good it is to see you again.” They embrace as Jillian looks off at the sea of tables. She notices her best friend Abby sitting with her family not too far away and she smiles at her. She then also sees Erin, and she wants to gasp. Her husband is absent she realizes, and then she remembers how Abby told her that Erin’s husband was across the sea for business currently. 

Her glance turns to her cousin who is staring at her knowingly. 

“Hello uncle,” she says, giving him a quick hug.

“Jillian you look as brilliant as ever,” he says softly. Jillian had always gotten along with her uncle, as he was just as her father, a man of knowledge.

“Kevin it’s great to see you again,” she laughs as she hugs the much taller man.

“Hello Jill, I missed you.”

“You saw me last week you doofus.”

“Has it only been that long, time takes too much of its sweet time.”

*Y/N’s POV*

The voice booms announcing the arrival of the king, queen, and princess, and everyone stands in respect. I watch as the figures hug each other for a moment before the travel straight down the room, the people bowing as they pass. I can’t help but stare at the princess; her blonde hair is curled and styled int an elegant quaff on the top of her head, her pink dress shows off the paleness of her skin and the bounce in her step is so unusual it almost makes me laugh. She’s simply stunning, I wonder how she hasn’t been married by now. 

I bow as she passes, and we make eye contact for a moment and the feeling that passes through me is one that I’ve never experience before. I’m just able to bow my head in respect, but I keep my eyes forward, not wanting to break the eye contact, Her smile is so large, and her blue eyes are almost endless. I could stare at them for hours.

As the family reaches their seats everyone sits once again and continues their conversations, but I can’t get the bubbly princess out of my head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to say thank you o much for your positive feedback, it means the world to me. They're gonna be meeting next chapter ahh!!


	3. The Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls finally meet and neither of them can talk because of how flustered they are around each other.

Jillian can’t help but look around her as the people surrounding her bow before her. There’s so many different people with different stories and she can’t help but want to hear each one. She can’t hold it against her subjects for gossiping about her, she knows they can’t help it, and so she doesn’t take it personally. They know only her public self, not the actual person.   
She almost prances to her seat, excited to spend some time with her cousin and friend Abby. Patty, her personal guard, walks beside her, amused at the girl.

Patty was hired not too long after Jillian’s 16 birthday as the princess’ personal guard. Patty, 25 at the time was a world-renowned warrior, and the king wanted only the best for his daughter. The two got along fabulously, and Jillian thinks of Patty more as a friend than as her servant, but she knew in times like this when she was in the spotlight she couldn’t act the same way with Patty that she does in private.

As she continues down the long stretch she notices a girl in the largest dress she’s ever seen and she adores it. She knows that the fabric must be suffocating the poor girl, but the grander must be worth it. Despite her many dresses, she’s never had one like it. And then Jillian scans the rest of the girl and she’s absolutely blown away. She had to be the most beautiful girl Jillian had ever seen, and she was standing right there.

The taller girl bows and Jillian can’t help but notice how graceful she is. Her eyes shimmering in the light, making them look like the stranger had taken two stars from right out of the sky and taken them for herself. The universe must have wept at the beauty she held.

Jillian almost scoffs; she would never fancy herself a poet, but in this moment a million beautiful words circle around her head, and yet she cannot find one good enough to describe what she sees, or what she feels. Her eyes almost tear up, and her chest seemingly fills with warmth and light. Her breath has been stolen, yet her heart beats faster than it ever has before. “Who is this girl, and what has she done to me?” she asks herself.

Eventually, Jillian has to break her gaze away and she cannot believe how sad it makes her. Finally, the family makes it to their throne that her uncle had provided them, and as they sit, so do the rest of the company. The laughter and chatter continues once again just as before, but Jillian has been changed permanently.

Jillian can’t help as her mind wanders over to the beautiful young woman she saw, and she finds her gaze going back to the girl sitting with her family.

“What’s her name?” She asks herself, “Where is she from? I’ve never seen her before. I wonder what she likes.” She begins daydreaming about the mystery woman as guests approach and greet them. Jillian pretends that she’s interested in the nobles presented to her but her mind wanders back to how uncomfortable her dress is and to the woman in the (F/C) dress.

Her mother nudges her when she sees a shorter, dark haired boy approach the throne.

“Your majesties, may I present Lord and Lady North, and their son Lord Rowan.”

“Lord North it is a pleasure to see you here,” the king says, his smile beaming.

“It is a pleasure for us, your majesty, as it always is to be in your presence.”

Jillian scowls, the groveling is so obvious she can’t stand it. She hates it when people try to use her father; he’s too trusting for his own good.

“And it is an honor to introduce my son, Rowan, to you and your family.

The shorter man steps forward and bows before the family, smiling directly at Jillian.

"Princess, may I say that you are more beautiful than any portrait I’ve seen of you; more beautiful than any words could try to attempt to do you justice.”

Jillian begins to snort, but mother’s elbow stops her. She coughs and straightens up, placing a fake smile on her lips.

“Thank you, Lord Rowan,” she says in her sweetest voice.

He bows respectfully once again and thankfully departs with his family. She can hear her mother scolding her in the background but once again she’s distracted by the woman sitting just a few feet away from her. Jillian sees her stand and embraces someone, another woman, and Jillian can’t help but have the feeling of jealousy creep up within her chest.

“What the hell? I don’t know this girl at all, let alone speak one word to her and I’m feeling this way? Get a grip Jill.”

The two women break apart and Jillian can’t believe her eyes, there stands Erin. She gasps audibly, surprised to see her embrace the woman who she has yet to get out of her mind, and she knows she needs to tell Abby immediately. She stands suddenly and turns to her parents.

“Mother I need to go see Abby,” she says, not bothering with her reason.

The queen knows how uninterested her daughter is with the whole affair and flicks her wrist, signaling her to go, eyeing Patty making sure the woman follows her daughter. Jillian happily skips down to where she sees her friend sitting with her family. The Yates stand at her arrival and give a small bow. Jillian mumbles a simple hello before yanking Abby by her arm and dragging her into a secluded corner of the enormous hall.

“Jill what has gotten into you?” Abby asks. Jillian was known for her strange behavior in private, but when she was was in public, she had been able to keep her cool.

“Look over at that table, the one at the edge of the edge if the dance floor.”

Abby follows Jillian’s subtle point and notices her old friend sitting with another woman.

“Is that, is that Erin?” She can’t be sure, the woman now has a few more lines on her face and has fashionable bangs blocking her pale forehead.

“I knew it! I knew I wasn’t being delusional!”

“For once,” Abby jokes, earning her a slight shove.

Patty watches the two of them with a hidden smile. She knows the girls want to go over and talk to Erin. She also knows that Jillian wants to be introduced to the woman in the large, pillowy dress. She saw the way the two looked at each other and she knew instantly that they would be trouble for the other.

She interrupts the two bickering, placing a hand on Jillian’s shoulder, “May I escort you to your old friend, majesty?”

Jillian smiles up at her friend, thankful. Abby and her nod and begin the small journey across the hall. Jillian feels her heart begin to race once again, and her palms begin to sweat; what was happening. Her dress feels like it’s closing in on her, and her breaths become shorter and more shallow.

It feels as if Jillian is walking in slow motion and she can only focus on a few things: 1. The sound of her heels clicking against the marble. 2. The feeling of her clammy hands as she holds them behind her waist. 3. The familiar smell of the hall. 4. The sight of the beautiful girl as she chats with Erin.

*Y/N’s POV*

Once I break eye contact with the princess I immediately turn around me, but I realize that no one noticed our small interaction. Was it all in my head then? If it was, it makes it’s home there, swirling inside me until Erin comes to greet me. The sight of her is a relief, a familiar distraction from recent events.

Erin looks lovely as always but I can tell that she’s off. She hates when her husband has to travel such far distances; the two were made for each other honestly.

“Y/N! I’m glad to see you could make it,” Erin’s thin arms wrap around me and I take a moment to just breathe her scent in. It’s so relaxing and exactly what I need.

“Erin it is so great to see you too, please take a seat,” and so she takes it across from me, my back to the dance floor.

“So how are you, I know we haven’t spoken much since Robert left a few days ago.”

“You must stop thinking about it! You know all you will do is worry yourself until you end up in bed, unable to get out for any reason at all. You’re at a ball filled with royalty, enjoy it while you can,” I say as I take aa sip from my champagne.

“You’re right, as always. I worry too much, but you know I can’t help it.”

We talk some more before I feel my mother’s hand on me, swatting at me erratically.

“The princess approaches! Stand up!”

My heart is pounding; why is the princess coming to our table? Did she actually notice me earlier? Did she not like the way I looked at her? My nerves are suddenly flying, but I’m able to stand and lower myself in a deep bow beside Erin just as the princess reaches us. She’s accompanied by a larger woman with a full smile and in a beautiful yellow gown as well as an older woman with dark glowing skin.

“Your majesty, it is an honor,” I hear father say.

“Your Lord, may I present her Majesty Jillian Holtzmann and Lady Abby Yates,” the older one says.

I see Erin’s head pop up at the mention of the names, “Abby?”

The two squeal and suddenly are embracing in front of me. I’m so confused; Erin has always been rather closed off about her life before marrying. I know that she had lived here, but never that she once knew the princess and her close friends.

“Your majesty you look as beautiful as ever,” Erin says as she takes the hand of the princess in hers. A light blush dusts the princess’s cheeks before she looks down, almost flustered.

“And the same to you Erin, I didn’t know you’d be in attendance.”

“Neither did I until I found out Y/N was going to be coming. I wouldn’t be here if she wasn’t since Robert is away.” She looks back to me smiling before realization hits her.

“Your majesty, Abby, may I introduce you to my dear friend Y/N L/N, she has been such a comfort to me since I moved.”

I bow once again before of the princess, but she raises her hand before I reach a small dip.

“Please, there is no reason for such pleasantries here, call me Jillian.” her speech is slow as if the words take a second to connect from her brain to her mouth  
.  
“It is a pleasure to meet you, Jillian. May I introduce my family to you as well.” I turn to see my family bowing making Jillian laugh. Her cheeks are incredibly flushed now and by the feel of the heat in my own, I mirror her.

Her laugh is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard, like wind chimes blowing in the breeze on the ranch that we own up north. I could listen to her laugh all day.

We all take a seat and talk amongst ourselves, although it is mostly Abby and Erin chatting away. I’m called upon to confirm a thing or two, but otherwise, I stay silent, glancing up at Jillian every now and then to see that she is already looking at me. My hands begin to sweat and dampen my gloves. Why am I so nervous?

Jillian, who happens to sit closest to me leans in and starts to speak but cuts herself off.

“So, you and Erin are neighbors?”

“Yes, when she married Robert she moved into the house beside mine, and I offered to show her the village and keep her company while he’s away.”

“Does she still worry herself half to death most days?” she asks, laughing lightly.

“Like you wouldn’t believe! I don’t know what she was like before she married Robert, but if she was anything like the way she worries over little things now, I can assure you she is double as worse.”

“And what about you?” she asks, her blue eyes staring directly into mine.

“What about me?”

“Are-are you married?” Her voice is so low I almost don’t hear it above the music and chatter, yet my cheeks darken even further at the tone.

“No, no. Nothing in that area at all for me yet.”

“I see.”

“And yourself?”

“Nope. I’m taking my time with my studies first, despite how much my mom hates it.”

“Your mother doesn’t like your studies?”

“No, she wants me to be more like a socialite than a scholar.”

“How truly awful,” I say, bursting out into giggles once again. Jillian joins me and the smile on her face exudes radiance.

I could sit here all night speaking with the most charming woman I’d ever met, but the waiters appear all too soon and Jillian and Abby excuse themselves to join their families at their tables. Erin smiles at me knowingly before she excuses herself as well leaving me to sit with my thoughts as my brother’s loud laughs fill the air.

What has happened to me and in such a short time? I’m not sure but as I’m served my dinner the only things I can think of are the wild blonde curls and the exuberant laugh of the most interesting woman I have ever met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I listened to String Quartet No.2 Nocturne while writing this. I feel like it captures the essence of true love, I highly recommend it. It speaks to my soul honestly.


	4. A Secret Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the Reader has a bit of a breakdown, Jillian is there to listen, and maybe for a little bit more.

Dinner goes by without incident with mother gossiping about the people around us when she’s not eating and asking me various questions about Kevin. With everything’s that’s happened my heart races at the speed of light and I don’t eat much too excited to be able to finish my meal. Shortly after dinner finishes, dancing begins, and James escorts me to the dance floor where we dance for a couple of songs. The first is one of the newest dances and it’s so much fun with James adding little faces in-between twirls. Some gentlemen I can’t place the name of cut in every now and then which I welcome. Meeting new people, although not my favourite thing in the world is welcomed for the evening, and I happily dance for what seems like hours. I let the events of the night float out of my head and pour them into the music coming from the piano and string quartet. My head is empty and I feel as if I’m floating, unaware of the world around me; that is until the future Grand Duke cuts in with an awkward cough. The gentleman who danced with me previously bows deeply and scurries away from us. Kevin’s hands are so large, engulfing mine almost completely and burning into my side where he holds me.

We dance for a few moments to the slow melody silently before I’m able to find my voice.

“So Kevin, I hear you’ve recently come home from college? Do you miss it?”

“Oh yeah! I miss my buddies more than I miss actual class, though. There’s this one teacher who drones on and on, but she’s gorgeous so we really can’t complain about it.”

I almost scoff at his words. He has a female tutor but only cares about her looks, how awful.

“So there are no studies that interest you in particular?”

“Not really, no.”

“So then what do you do in your spare time?” I ask trying to salvage the conversation.

“Mostly go out with my buddies, play some games and drink. It’s great fun, you should come sometime.” The offer should make my heart flutter, but in actuality, it sounds disgusting. A room full of sweaty men drinking and babbling unintelligibly didn’t sound like the kind of fun for me.

“I would love to Kevin, but I don’t think it would be proper to be seen with all of your friends all by myself.”

He thinks for a moment nodding his head, and the rest of the dance is quiet. I bow slowly before him and murmur a thank you before rushing off the dance floor once the music comes to a halt. I walk away as subtly as possible, but as soon as I’m out of sight I run through the unknown halls looking for anything, really. The place is like a maze coated in ivory and gold trimmings, losing me within its depths. Finally, I spot two grand doors leading out to a large, empty balcony and decide that’s the best spot to rest.

As I open the large glass door, the late summer breeze welcomes me, the coolness contrasting against the heat of my exposed skin. The moon is bright and almost full; it’s alone, with no clouds or stars in the sky to keep it company. It looks almost lonely and I cannot help but see myself in it. With a room full of prestigious people I cannot help but feel entirely alone.

I scare myself when I realize that I need air, and take huge gulps of it, worrying that I may faint. My chest is tight and full of nervousness as what I know has been at the back of my mind finally forces me to take it on.

I don’t like Kevin.

I mean yes, he seems like a very nice person, but not one I would want to marry and spend the rest of my life with. The picture of my mother, sitting, looking at me expectantly is engrained in my mind. I cannot marry him which means I will disappoint her.

I know she only wants the best for me, but if I tell her I do not like Mr. Beckman she will tell me it was only my nerves and that I was not thinking clearly. Yet I can feel it in my heart that he is not the man for me and I begin to panic. I have met so many men that have not been the one. How long will it take? Will I ever meet the person for whom I’m fated or will I be forced to marry someone I do not love?

Oh god, would father do that? The thought has never entered my mind before, but now all I can see is father pushing me to marry Beckman and spending the rest of my life in a miserable, loveless marriage.

I can already hear mother’s voice in my ear, “You can learn to love him.” Is a comfortable life worth the price of finding real love? I know her answer; yes. My breaths don’t calm, only worsening by the second. I can’t hear anything but the sound of my heart pounding in my chest, and only the feeling of tears running down my face; it distracts me as the door opens behind me. I almost don’t realize, and wouldn’t if the shadow didn’t speak.

*Jillian’s POV*

The night seems incredibly dull after leaving Erin and Y/N. I sit by my parent’s side and pick at my food before the people begin to dance. I’m asked multiple times, but I dismiss each person, feigning illness. The only person I want to dance with is Y/N, and as I watch her glide along the dance floor a sense of calmness surrounds me. Her face looks so serene as she waltzes taking my breath away. No one dares dance near her, the dress much too large, and only expanding further when she twirls. If looks as if she’s walking on air, her body surrounded by the clouds. The dancing is effortless no matter the partner and as time goes by I cannot deny the feeling of envy as she dances with almost every eligible young man in the room.

The feeling eases as I see Kevin approach and they begin to dance. I know Kevin isn’t interested in marriage at the moment; the only worries that occupy his head is where he’ll be spending his night, and with who. I see the two talks and I can’t help but smile, but that soon falters as I see the distressed look on Y/N’s face. What could Kevin ‘of said to make her look so worried? The dance ends not too long after and my daze follows Y/N as she bows before Kevin and then turns to leave, exiting the main ballroom.

Maybe she needs to use the bathroom? I think. I wait impatiently for over ten minutes and there’s still no sign of Y/N and I begin to worry. Where could she be? Is she just lost? Uncle’s home is rather large. I couldn’t count the number of times I’ve gotten lost here. After battling internally with myself for a few more minutes I rise and tell mother that I need to use the restroom.

Although I now know uncle’s home like the back of my hand, I remember how confusing it was to me when I was younger, so I just follow the main corridor and peak through the empty halls, watching for any sign of Y/N.

She looked so distressed when she had left, I wonder what happened? And why did no one go after her? Before I know it I realize that I’ve reached the grand balcony, and I can faintly hear sobbing coming from the other side of the doors. As quietly as possible I open the doors and see Y/n standing there, her back bent, and her sobbing into her hands. The moon only illuminates her softly, and I can only make out the colour of her dress and hair. She doesn’t react as a step out into the midnight air and I realize that she is so probably caught up in her troubles that she’s blocked out any outside noise.

*Y/N’s POV*

I continue to sob into my hands for what seems like ages before I hear a cough come from behind me.

“Come here often?”

I turn suddenly to see the princess has followed me. Immediately I blush and wipe my tears away as quick as I can.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize I wasn’t alone.”

“No please don’t be sorry, and again, call me Jillian.” She approaches me as she speaks, and lays a hand softly on my shoulder. My heart begins racing once again and try to catch my breath as subtly as possible.

“Jillian, thank you,” I say not knowing what to say to her.

“Don’t worry about it. I noticed that you left the party and I got worried when you took so long.”

How the hell was my heart beating so fast? And how the hell was this happening? On one of the most confusing nights of my life I just happen to run into the princess of New York and she seems as interested in e as I am in her. Ok maybe not as much, but I still can’t believe that she was worried about me.

“Thank you, Jillian, but I am alright. Please, go back to the party.”

“You, sweetheart, are not alright, and besides, that place is boring as hell. If you wanna talk, I’m here.”

I’m unable to talk, the sound of her voice calling me sweetheart swelling within me. She takes my silence as her answer.

“That’s alright too. We can just stay out here for a little bit.” I watch as she approaches the ledge and leans against it. Her blonde hair flows gently in the night breeze, and her nose looks more pointed in only the light coming from the moon. I’ve decided that it doesn’t matter where she is, or what she’s wearing, she must look astounding all the time. The feeling of warmth and understanding grows as we stand in silence and I can’t help as my mouth opens and I pour everything out to her; my mother’s plan for me, my expectations of Kevin, and my sudden fear of not finding real love. I fear that I’ve overstepped my boundaries but when I look over to Jillian, and she nods, a look of knowing adorning her face. Once I finish I take a deep breath and look over at her expectantly.

“God do I understand that. My mom has been the same way, She’s so worried I’m going to lose the throne; I’m only 19 I’m not a spinster yet.” She laughs at the last part, but I can hear the fear behind it.

“I just don’t get it,” I say, honestly.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“How you’re not married; you’re beautiful, funny, and kind. You have this aura of honesty and authenticity to you which should draw people in-“

“Wait you think I’m beautiful?”

The blush on my cheeks is burning my face as I look down at the greenery below us, unable to look at her as I mumble a yes.

“Well, for it’s worth, I think you’re stunning.”

I audibly choke and her laughter rings out against the emptiness of the garden. She’s silent as she takes her hand in mine, her thumb rubbing over my knuckles in a calming motion.

“I feel the same way too, you know. I’m so scared that I won’t ever find love, and that my parents won’t approve of whomever I might love. Whenever people look at me they see the Princess or the nut job; they never see Jillian, the girl who loves machines and books. The girl whose scared of the world around her because it’s been so cruel to her. People forget that I’m just a person too.”

I’m blown away by her speech and by her openness with me. I grab her hand in return and look at her, staring right back into her beautiful blue eyes.

“Do you know what I see when I look at you?” I ask softly.

“No.”

“I see an incredibly smart, funny, exquisite young woman who anyone would be lucky to call their own.”

Her eyes widen in surprise and I can feel myself being pulled towards her by an invisible force. I see her do the same, and her eyes flutter as realization dawns on me what’s happening. But I don’t pull back like I expect myself to; it’s as if my body in is a puppet for somebody else’s agenda. As we move closer I realize also that I don’t mind what’s about to happen, in fact, my body craves it and that it has since the moment I saw her.

Just before our lips meet my mother rushes through the door, and we pull apart, acting as if we had been gossiping. My mother bows before the princess again, taking a moment to find her voice.

“Y/N dear, I’m sorry to take you away, but we are leaving now. My apologies, your majesty,” she finishes, still in a low bow.

“Please stand, it is not a problem at all. It was a pleasure meeting you and your family. I hope that we may meet again.”

Mother has to take my hand and pull me inside to get me to start moving. The entire time I continue to look at Jillian, not wanting to leave just yet.

“Goodbye Jillian,” I’m able to get out before the doors close and I’m whisked away to our carriage.

The entire ride home I’m quiet as mother asks me questions about my dance with Kevin, but I can just tell her that we’ll talk about it tomorrow, I’m much too tired.

And that’s the truth; that, and I can’t help but wonder, when will I see Jillian again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took a while to write. I've had a bit of writers block and I saw Ghostbusters 3 more times (making it 5 now). Anyways, I hope you liked it!


	5. Coming Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jillian invites Reader to come and stay with her as a thank you for being there for her at the ball almost one week ago. When they're alone the chemistry is undeniable and neither of them can hold it in anymore.

Not a day passes by after the ball that I don't think about Jillian and everything about our encounter on the balcony. I think about how plump her lips were, about how close we got; how wonderful she smelled and the soothing action of her hand rubbing against mine. Everything that reminds me of that night sends my heart fluttering and I go to bed every night wondering when I will see her next.

Not a week passes when I receive a letter in the mail; mother almost screams when she sees it notifying me from the main hall. When I finally see the letter for myself I understand why; it's from the royal family of New York. The paper is the special off white made for royalty and the lettering is in beautiful black cursive, my name covering the front. Mother squeals in the background as I open it. I know she hopes it's from Kevin, but in the back of my head I pray that it's Jillian. I snicker at how absurd that is; the princess of New York writing to an ordinary lady, but as I open it and begin to read I can't help the smile that rushes to my face.

Dearest Y/N

I would like to thank you for your wonderful listening at the ball what seems like a lifetime ago. I needed to get that off of my chest and I'm glad that you were there for me and me for you in return. To express my gratitude I would like to extend an invitation to you to be my personal guest at my home for a week. If you are interested please send word before you depart.

I hopefully await for your response.

Truly, yours,

Jillian Holtzmann

My breath catches in my throat as I finish reading aloud. Jillian wants to see me again. She wants me to be her guest! I turn to my mother to see a smile on her face.

"My dear this is an opportunity you cannot miss. If you get close to the princess, then maybe she could put in a good word for you to Kevin! Of course you'd have to get incredibly close to her, as long as you don't mind. Personally I'm not too fond of her, but it seemed as if the two of you got along famously. As long as the rumours don't upset you…"

I can't listen to her talk any longer so I push her voice out of my head and try to focus, but all I can think about is how my mother wants to use Jillian. This sweet, kind person who is so lonely and only wants to have someone around who understands is reaching out, and mother wants me to use her for my personal gain. I feel sick to my stomach, but I hide all my feelings because I realize that mother could never know why I want to go visit Jillian. She can never know about what I actually want from Jillian, no one can. So I decide pretend to love her plan for the time being.

All I want to do is to see Jillian again.

So mother agrees, and goes into a long elaborate plan in order for me to connect with the princess, but it isn't necessary because it's already happened. We send word right away that I've accepted the offer, and the next day I'm in our best looking carriage on my way to the capital of the Isle, New York, New York. The ride through the village is one that will stay with me forever. There's so many people, way too many to count, and they're all caught up in something that feels like it could be the most important thing in the world to them. Every home along the way is unique in its own way and the further we travel; the more homes seem to grow in creativity and in size but are more scattered and are few in-between.

By the time we reach the castle I have no air left in my lungs; it’s removed by the grandeur of the architecture and the estate as a whole. The gardens are incredibly wide, and seem never ending as we drive through them. The hedges are shaped into beautiful designs, and the hundreds of flowers bring life beside them as well we pass a massive fountain that spits a large stream constantly out of the top. The castle itself can only be witnessed to fully realize how marvellous it is. The stand out feature is the huge windows that are trimmed with gold on the exterior, allowing as much natural light as possible, in. The house itself spans so wide I cannot begin to imagine how many rooms there could possibly be. The walls are a beautiful crisp white shade, I wonder how hard that is to maintain; and the roof is an elegant piece with winding ends and peaking tops. From my seat in the carriage I can see a tower at the south east corner and I wonder where that leads.

The front door is hidden beneath a fair amount of shade, the balcony right above it keeping any visitors cool. As we approach I see five men sitting outside, I suppose waiting for my arrival, and I catch a glimpse of a familiar woman who quickly juts inside. Finally we park and the servants hurry around the vehicle. One opens my door while another puts out his hand to help me down. I decided earlier to wear one of my nicer, but less expensive dresses to make an impression, but as I try and get down while pulling it through the door I can’t help but feel silly. While I’m being escorted through the massive doors I see the other men retrieve my things, and another talking to my driver, most likely asking him if he’d like to rest after the long trip.

The exterior doesn’t prepare me for the extravagant interior. Everything is polished to perfection; from the white marble floors to the gold trimmings surrounding every painting, framing it perfectly, it feels like I’ve stepped into a different world. I’m so stuck in my head, taking in my new surroundings I almost miss Jillian standing at the top of the grand staircase that sits directly in front of the front doors. Her cough echoes throughout the main hall and startles me.

“It’s something isn’t it,” the sarcasm in her voice is imminent.

“I think we might have varying definitions of something.”

“I’ll give it to you this time, but only because it’s your first time here. Welcome, Y/N. I’m so happy that you accepted my invitation.”

“Anything to see you again,” it’s a small whisper but I can tell she catches it.

“My father has left for some business, and mother has some matters to attend to so I’m saddened to inform you that it’s just us two for the time being.” Her smile is sly and knowing, and she takes my arm in hers as she escorts me through the winding halls, telling me the

history of the building as we walk along.

But I can’t seem to focus on anything other than her arm on mine, and the hairs on my body stand at the contact. Her voice seems miles away as I try to focus on what she’s saying but all I can think about is how good she smells and how soft her skin is and it makes me dizzy.

Thankfully sooner than I thought, we stop in one of the sitting rooms to chat and have something to drink.

“I’ve been talking this entire time, how rude of me; how was your trip here? Not too long I hope.”

“No, no it was lovely. Driving through your kingdom and through your capital was wonderful. New York is so lovely, much more so than my home town.”

“Oh I don’t believe it. Only a beautiful place could birth such a magnificent woman.”

Although her words bring a strong blush to my cheeks I decide to tell her how I grew up; the city, the way my brothers treated me even though I was older than them and how Charles would always stick up for me. My education was a topic that Jillian seemed to be really interested in.

“So your parents had no problem keep you in school longer than the other girls?”

“Oh my father always said it was necessary. He didn’t just want me to be a housewife when I got older; he wanted me to have my own career.”

“And now that you have all that education, what do you want to do?”

It takes me a few moments to answer. “Well, I’m not too sure; it all depends on who I marry, and whether or not they would let me work. Best case scenario I would be a tutor, for girls especially.”

“That’s interesting, may I ask why?”

“I’ve seen other girls around me, some even friends, who get the bare minimum education and then are expected to just marry, and have kids. I know some do really like that, I’m happy for them, but there are some who want more. I realize how lucky I’ve been, and if I could help some be as fortunate as me, I’d like to take the opportunity.”

Jillian smiles at me, nodding, “That...is incredibly admirable. Here I was thinking you couldn’t get any more incredible.”

I feel like a blushing mess around her, and decide that the section of the floor beneath my chair is fascinating. Thankfully someone brings a pot of tea and some biscuits for us to eat.

“You must be hungry. Would you like anything more to eat?” she asks as she pour us both some tea.

“Oh no thank you, I don’t want to be a burden. Besides, I ate just before I left. I’ll be more than fine until dinner.”

“You are no burden here Y/N. Anything you want, please just let me know.”

I smile at her and take the porcelain cup and we sit in silence for a few moments. It’s not uncomfortable like I feared, but serene and comfortable, like we’ve known each other for years. We don’t speak until her mother is announced suddenly, and we both stand. I bow gracefully as she enters, and she smiles at the gesture,

“My dear, thank you so much for coming and visiting us. It’s always nice to meet some of Jillian’s friends.”

“Thank you, your majesty, for allowing me to stay in your home. It’s beautiful.”

Her laugh is light, almost like bells, “It is no problem love. I’m sorry I’m not able to stay much longer, I have some business to take care of while the king is away, but it was lovely meeting you, and I’ll see the two of you at dinner,”

She smiles at me once more before exiting and I look over to see Jillian looking displeased.

“Would you like to go for a walk through the gardens, Y/N?”

I can hear the anxiety in her voice, so I nod and we leave through the double doors that lead straight to the outdoor walk way. We walk in silence for most of the time before Jillian sits at a random bench and brings her hands to her face and sighs deeply.

I sit next to her and put my hand on her shoulder gently. “Do you wanna talk about whatever’s on your mind?”

She sighs again and turns to look at me. “I realize what my mother just did just seems to be common courtesy but really it was aimed at me. ‘It’s always nice to meet one of Jillian’s friends’ dear god. She knows that I only really talk to Abby, it was so humiliating.”

I take her hands in hers and look her right in the eye, “Jillian, your mother may try, but she is not embarrassing you in front of me. I think you do a good enough job of that by yourself.”

Through her hands I can hear her chuckling and her smile is too large to hide to be hidden. “To be fair, I haven’t done that much, at least in front of you.”

She’s silent for a moment before she speaks again, “So you plan to marry, huh?”

“Eventually yes, but I don’t want to marry just anybody, I want to marry for love.”

“How sentimental,” she replies, her smile wide.

“I know it sounds stupid but marrying for any other reason, it feels like a disservice to myself.”

Jillian nods solemnly, her hand wrapping tightly around mine once again. My heart races at the action.

“Can I tell you something, something that I’ve never told anyone before?”

“Of course you can. What is it?”

She pauses for a second, collecting herself before she starts. “I’ve never been attracted to anyone my mother has introduced me to. It doesn’t matter who it is, he could be the sweetest person in the world and I won’t feel anything but fondness for them. Am I crazy? Is there something wrong with me?”

I can tell she’s close to tears, so I pull her towards me and envelope her in a warm hug. I can her soft cries muffled by the fabric of my dress, but I allow her to stay there, my hand rubbing up and down her shoulder soothingly. We stay there for what feels like hours, doing nothing, just holding onto each, the vulnerability shared almost manifests itself in the air.

I decide to speak as she nuzzles herself into my neck. “I don’t think anybody is who they want to be, especially in this moment. Everyone is full of insecurities but we can’t let them control us. To be honest with you, I’m the same way. My mother wants me to marry your cousin, Kevin, and he is a sweetheart don’t get me wrong, but he’s not the person for me. I think it’s the same for you; you just haven’t found the person who you were meant to be with. Your mother may not understand because she realizes the responsibilities that you both have, and she’s putting that above what you want. I hate to sound like I’m on her side, but sometimes that’s what you have to do when you’re a leader. You need to put the needs of your people before yourself.”

“And what if I don’t want to be a leader? What if I’m not ready?”

“I don’t have all the answers, Jillian, and I’m sorry for that. But I can be here for you to support you through it.”

She straightens up, a small sigh coming from her lips. Our hands are still locked together; I can’t help but steal a glance at them and smile.

“So, you and Kevin, huh?” she says, her signature smile coming back to her.

“How do you think I convinced my mom to let me stay here? She thinks if I make a good impression with you, it’ll rub off on Kevin, but I’m not here for him.”

“Then who are you here for?”

“Myself, mostly, but for you too,” I tell her, smiling.

“Oh? How kind of you,” her smirk is almost breathtaking.

“Only a little bit for you,” I’m able to get out, giggling wildly.

“You’re awful,” she replies, lightly shoving me. Our laughter dies down almost too quickly.

“Is there anyone you think you’d be okay marrying, that you know right now?”

“Possibly, but I just met them, I need more time.”

She looks off in thought, nodding slightly, an affirmative noise coming from her lips.

The rest of the day passes without much conflict. Jillian shows me the majority of the estate, and we end up having dinner alone; her mother too occupied. Jillian worries that I may take offense to this but I can’t complain. Our meal is full of laughter and smiles, quite the opposite of what I think would have happened if the queen had joined us.

Shortly after dinner, Jillian shows me to her quarters, which happens to be the large tower I had seen when I had arrived. The room is lavish, as is to be expected, but it is completely Jillian, with almost all the walls covered with books, and trinkets and doodads littering the space.

“So, this is home for the great Jillian Holtzmann.”

“Welcome to my humble abode.”

“I wouldn’t say humble.”

“Then what would you say?”

“You.”

“Huh?”

“This room; it’s totally you.”

“I don’t know whether or not to take that as a compliment or an insult.”

“Oh, it’s a compliment, 100%. It’s beautiful.”

“Oh thank god I thought I was about to lose this relationship.”

I can’t help but notice how my body reacts to her words, my skin tingling, and my palms beginning to sweat.

I try to distract myself by looking around her room, my fingers gliding against the old spines of books I never could of dreamed of.

“Impressive collection, no? My father always brings me back another book from the places he’s travelled. As you can imagine, he’s been around.”

“I’m incredibly jealous, what else can I say.”

“You can borrow any of them, I don’t mind. I’ve read all of them, some even multiple times.”

“Oh, I could never-“

“Oh stop with that; I insist, please, take one. It gives us both an excuse to see each other again.”

“We need excuses to see each other once more?”

“Oh I hope that I see you more than once more.”

I blush, looking around me, but the titles blur together in an incoherent mess.

“H-How about you choose one for me, I wouldn’t know where to start.”

She ponders for a moment, her nose scrunching slightly before she heads to the bookshelf closest to her large bed, she pulls a slim red book with gold cursive on the front.

“This, is my favourite book. It’s one of the first my father brought me and I want you to have it.”

“You mean to borrow, right?”

“No, I want you to keep this, as a thank you for all that you’ve done for me.”

I take the book in my hands, the cover is slightly damaged, and the spine is cracked and the age is showing, but the sentiment brings tears to my eyes. When I look up I’m almost startled by how close Jillian is to me.

“Thank you Jillian I will guard this with my life.”

She smiles as we just stand there together in comfortable silence. My eyes continue to examine the book cover, trying to distract myself from the feeling of Jillian’s eyes on me. The only way we can tell that time is actually passing is the constant tick tock of the grandfather close to her entrance doors. I take a chance and look up and find Jillian’s gaze fixed on me, causing me to blush. Her eyes shift down to my lips and I audibly gasp as she moves closer to me. I turn quickly and take in my surroundings.

“You have a beautiful bedroom, did I saw that already?”

“You did, but it isn’t as beautiful as you.”

I can feel my heart rate increasing by the second, and I suddenly can’t stop playing with my hands. I have no idea where to stand or what to say, so I quickly look around, trying to find a conversation piece. I notice the beautiful French doors that lead outward.

“You have a balcony?”

“Oh yeah, it’s kinda awesome.”

“Can we?”

She nods, opening them, and letting the cool night air in. We step out together, the balcony illuminated by the hundreds of stars out, accompanied by the almost full moon. There are a few chairs scattered around, as well as a few tables, and a large drawing pad on a wooden easel. My curiosity gets the best of me and I walk over to see a simple drawing of the estate on the pad. Although the lighting is god awful, I can make out the skyline covered in trees, and the early morning sky peaking through.

“Oh that, that’s nothing but I hobby.”

“Jillian. this is gorgeous, don’t underestimate yourself.”

I watch as Jillian leans against the railing, letting out a deep sigh. “I can’t believe how lucky I was to meet you at uncle’s ball. I usually hate those thing, bit I’m glad I went to that one.”

“Really? I love them; I mean look what can happen.” I respond as I go to stand beside her.

“What did happen?”

“I met you, and I can’t help this feeling in the pit of my stomach that you’re gonna change my life.”

*Jillian’s POV*

Y/N’s words sets my body on fire, her hands so close to mine. Her body is so close, I can smell her perfume; it smells like roses, a hint of vanilla, and something completely Y/N. It’s intoxicating. My body is radiating heat, contrasting with the cool air that makes my skirt rustle with it’s movements.

Y/N’s face is flushed, and her eyes linger on the gardens below us. Her face is just visible in the night’s light. It’s at this moment that I know that Y/N is more than a friend. She is someone that I trust completely, someone that I can be vulnerable around and still feel comfortable.

So I swallow all my confidence and I lean in, watching Y/N’s face as I do so. At first I see panic flash through her eyes, but my body keeps moving forward until our lips finally meet. It all clicks then, I’m not meant to like boys, I’m meant to like girls; one girl, in fact; Y/N.

My hands hold Y/N’s face gently, my thumb swiping over the soft skin. My lips keep moving against her until I realize something utterly startling; she isn’t kissing me back. I pull away, taking in every movement of Y/N’s. Her mouth is open, slightly moist from our kiss, and her eyes are wide, looking at nothing. I stand there waiting for her to speak, but as each second moves forward, but heart sinks lower and lower.

“Oh god what have I done?”


	6. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jillian Holtzmann I fear that I may be so irrevocably yours for the rest of eternity, I have been since the moment our eyes locked, and that frightens me to death. That’s why I ran away yesterday. This is all so new and confusing but I know I should have stayed. Should I possess such an ability I would reverse time and make our first so unforgettable, that people would tell the tale just as they would the story of the beginning of the world, and use it as an example of the purest and most magical moment that can happen on this earth."

Jillian’s actions take me so aback I find myself unable to move. Her lips continue to move against mine, and although my soul and heart tell me to do the same, my body is locked into place. Eventually Jillian realizes this and moves back, the fear evident in her wide eyes. Her mouth is agape and slightly moist from the kiss; her hands flailing around her as she tries to apologize, but I hear no words escape her lips. She’s unable to, there simply are no words. Like her, I find nothing to say and just find the strength to turn from her, back into her room, and out to door to the hallway.

I hear her voice, small and scared calling after me but I body moves of it’s own fruition. I have no idea where I am, or where I’m going, but no one stops me including any of the guards that line the halls at all times, nor does Patty, Jillian’s personal guard, nor does my own body.

I travel for what feels like an eternity, not taking notice of where I am or who’s around until my body finally stops in a lovely rose garden in the south yard. I look around to see if anyone else is around, but all too quickly giving up, not caring. I notice there’s a small stone bench by the small fountain in the center and sit upon it, the weight of my body suddenly hitting me a millions times over. The realization of what’s just happened hits me all too fast as well. At first, a smile wide enough to wide enough to rival the happiest newly-wed bride appears as what I’ve wanted for what seems forever has happened. She wants me as I want her! Oh god how could I be so lucky?! The most beautiful and intelligent woman I’ve ever met wants to kiss me. How impossibly wonderful is that? My happiness bubbles over, giggles quickly taking over myself. My head is thrown back and the giggles turn into full, bellowing laughing fits, though it doesn’t take much time for the next series of events after the kiss swim back up through my memory.

Oh god, I just left her there. She kissed me and I didn’t react in the slightest. Oh Christ not only did I not kiss her back; I couldn’t even say one word to her before I left so abruptly. She hates me, god she has to. How could she not; I acted so rudely, as if I didn’t enjoy the kiss.

Immediately a million thoughts enter my head: will she tell anyone of the kiss, will her guards realize what’s happened and kick me out, will my reputation be destroyed due to this night? And how will mother react? Oh god she wants me to marry Kevin, and though I do hold an affection for him it’s not as deep or as romantic as the one I carry for Jillian.

Will Jillian kick me out of her house for this? Will I forever be known as the whore who broke the Princess’ heart? It’s like a dam breaks as a million tears begin to break free. My body hunches over from the strength of my sobs and my hands wrap themselves around my shaking shoulders. I feel impossibly weak. Not only may I have lost a dear friend, but I may have lost everything. I continue sitting there, sobbing like a child until there is no more moisture in my body to be released and dry heaves escape my lips instead. My head is still reeling as I try to calm myself down but never succeed.

I’m interrupted after what seems like hours from a cough that comes from one of the entrances to the right of me. I wipe away any excess tears from my cheeks as I turn to see who has found me in such a dreadful state and soon realize that is the King himself. I quickly rise and slink into a deep bow before him.

“Your Majesty, my apologises, I didn’t realize you were here.” I try and hide my face from his view, looking down the entire time.

“It’s quite alright child. Please sit, tell me what ails you so.” His voice is deep and soothing, his presence should be nerve-wracking and have me even more distressed, yet somehow his gentle eyes help soothe me.

“I’m not sure what to say, Your Majesty, the matter is quite complicated.”

He pauses for a moment, “Well then why don’t you tell me in the simplest of terms then.”

By this point I’ve taken my seat on the bench once more and King Holtzmann has taken the seat next to me, watching carefully with sorrowful eyes. I take a deep breath before I can respond.

“There is a new…suitor who has announced their affection for me, but the match is incredibly unorthodox and I know my family, nor would anyone else, approve the match.”

He nods thoughtfully. “And what do you think of this suitor? Do you like them as well? Are their feelings returned?”

“They are returned with so much force; the earth would spin with such ferocity it would make us ill from the speed.”

“Then why not court them?”

“Because a match like this has never happened before, I know that if we were to walk in the marketplace, let alone the halls of your court, we would be snickered and scoffed at. Perhaps even banished and humiliated by those we love most.”

“Little one, there is much you come to realize as you get older. Many things may happen to you that you wish wouldn’t, like your hip becoming more sore and preventing you from riding, or the endless gray hairs that litter your head, but the one thing I can say for certain that makes up for all of it is the wisdom that is earned. Do not tell this to anyone, but before I met Her Majesty I knew a farm girl who was the daughter of one of my father’s servants when I was growing up. Despite my father’s wishes, we became close friends, and soon afterward I began to develop feelings for her, ones that would make my father implode if he had found out.

We continued in secret for many years as we grew from children to young adults, and not too long after her 16th birthday she fell ill and died soon afterward. To this day I regret not being able to hold her hand in public as we walked through the countryside, unashamed of who we were and how strong for our love was for another. Too many kisses were stolen in the dead of the night, or hidden behind closed doors. At the time it seemed so fun, so… rebellious, but now I wish I had taken every moment I had with her to tell her how much I loved her and showered her with affection as I should have. I few years later I met my wife, and I have never been so in love as I am now. Yet, Mariana stays with me to this day. When I think of her I think about how much I love my family, my citizens, my country. I never take what I have for granted. Now, seeing you, I must say that I believe that you should follow your heart. Some people may disagree, some may try to pull you apart, but if your love for one another is strong enough, the trials you will face will only strengthen your bond.”

I nod solemnly, not understanding how accepting the king could be.

“That is why, my child, that if you should choose to become public with your love for this suitor, I will have nothing but support for the two of you, and make it clear to my subjects that you hold the King’s favour.”

I can only blink up at him, tears clouding my eyes.

“Why would you do such a wonderful thing for me? I am but low level royalty from another kingdom; a stranger to you none-the-less.”

“You make my daughter happier than you can understand. Your friendship has lifted her spirt tenfold, and this is the least I can do to thank you for being there for her when most people are not.”

I look up at the night sky, an audience of a million stars watching us, awaiting my answer

I pause for a moment.

“I may have to listen to your advice, Majesty.”

Shortly after our chat, the King shows me the quarters given to me for my stay, and surprises me with a hot bath waiting for me in the center of my room. After scrubbing myself clean from all of the filth from the day I lay my head back and just listen to my surroundings. There’s the gentle trickle of water as I move to make myself more comfortable, and the calming sound of the breeze that enters through the open windows of the room. Within the home someone plays what sounds like a lullaby on a piano. The music is the embodiment of innocence and love and warms me just as the water does.

I close my eyes as I finally make up my mind on what I’ll do when I see Jillian tomorrow.

The next day

I arrive to breakfast just as the sun rises and am accompanied by the King and his wife. His Majesty informs me that his daughter is currently feeling somewhat ill and apologizes that she could not attend the meal. I cannot help but feel responsible for the Princess’ state and I can barely finish one egg, my stomach too upset.

I rise after a few minutes of just playing with my food.

“If you will excuse me, your Highness, but I am feeling quite full, and would like to explore the rest of your lovely home.”

“Do as you like here, child,” he begins, “our home is your home. Jillian tells me that you love literature almost as much as she does. By all means you may go explore our library. Jillian’s collection may seem large, but it is nothing compared to my favourite room here.”

I nod my head gratefully and decide to take the book that Jillian had given me the night before and read on the balcony of the library.

The room is massive as he had said, but his words gave no indication of the grandeur of the space. Shelves soaring to the celling packed with book after book is a sight I have never before witnessed. The ladders reach all the way to the top, and slide across to gain easier access to the sections. Plush sofas litter the area with accompanying low rise tables all made of a deep mahogany that accent beautifully with the dark green upholstery. The windows are just as tall as the bookshelves, allowing as much sunlight in as possible. The rays of light create beautiful rainbows across the marble floors that change in shape and design as I move along the room.

The scent of old books hits me incredibly hard, reminding me of the time my father would take me to the library as a child, allowing me to pick any book that I so pleased, no matter how hard the difficulty. Warmth runs through my veins as I realize why this must be Jillian’s favourite room other than her own as well. I make my way up to the second floor on the spiraling wrought iron staircase that feels sturdy underneath my grip. On the second floor there’s many open doors leading to the long stretch of balcony that faces the east. Benches that look soft as can be fill the spaces between the doors as well as tall decorative plants that add a slight tropical feeling. I decide to sit by the window, the sun just in my peripheral to keep me company.

I read for hours, all the way through lunch, and by the time the grand clock at the back of the library strikes noon I realize I have yet to see Jillian all day, and decide that I should confront her about last night, and tell her how I truly feel about her. If I explain why I ran off so quickly and try to defend my actions, maybe she can forgive me and we can begin again.

The entire way to her room has my stomach in knots as I’m both excited and terrified to confess my true feelings to her. It dawns on me how vulnerable and scared Jillian must have been the night before and my heart breaks once more for her. As I approach I can see Patty is guarding her door, and I notice as her scowl deepens as she sees me approaching.

“I’m sorry, my lady, but the Princess has no desire to see you at the moment.”

Of course she doesn’t wanna see me, for all she knows I’ve gone to make a laughing stock out of her; she doesn’t know what I do.

“Please Patty, I know I hurt Jillian and I want to apologize to her for that and explain my side of things. I was scared and confused last night, and everything happened so quickly. I know I shouldn’t have run away from her, we should have talked about what we were feeling, and though I realize that now, I know it doesn’t change what I’ve done. And if the Princess doesn’t want to see me after that than I will accept what grave I have dug for myself, but right now I have to at least tell her that I feel the same for her and that I will do everything I can, spend every last breath I have trying to make it up to her. And that the feelings I have for burn and tug at my heart with such ferocity that it beats nothing but compassion and love for her: it runs through my veins setting my body aflame with such devotion for her being that there is none left even for myself. Let my soul become a slave to her, let me work like a dog in heat to even earn one fraction of the admiration she once had for me; it would be enough. I am not worthy of your Princess’ time or affection for that matter, and if you will not let me see her than please, I beg of you tell her this; I will spend the rest of my life regretting walking out of that room last night. I will spend every waking second not cherishing the feeling of her lips upon mine and will ask myself every day how I was so lucky as to be held so high by her Majesty in such a way, and how utterly sorry I am that I made her feel the way I can only imagine she felt as I walked away from her. From this day forth the anguish will stay with me knowing I have disappointed her, and I will spend every moment asking the Gods forgiveness for making such a wonderful creature doubt herself for even a moment.”

A pregnant pause follows my declaration, the expression on Patty’s face stays unmoving and as I move to leave, accepting my defeat, I notice the door behind the guard open ever so slightly and a voice follows that sounds sweeter than the most expensive berries in all the kingdom follow.

“Do not give yourself so much credit, I did not doubt myself what-so-ever, I did happen to doubt you though.”

“Jillian-” I start but am interrupted by Patty.

“You are not to speak to her!”

“No Patty it’s alright, let her in.”

I hear footsteps echo through the small creak as Patty moves to open the door so I may enter. As I move to step inside she places her hand on my shoulder and displays a small amount of strength as she speaks.

“Know that I will be here the entire time, and if I hear Jillian so much as whimper, I will be there in a moment and you will no longer.”

I nod solemnly and continue my way inside. I notice that the balcony doors are shut and covered by thick curtains that are woven with a thick wool. Jillian sits on her bed, her body still straight as board, her golden locks illuminated by the few candles lit surrounding her bed. The door closes behind me and the creaks the old hinges make echo across the otherwise silent room. The lull is not peaceful or calming as it should be, but guilt and anxiety swirl inside me instead.

“Did you mean it? What you said out there, was that all true?” Jillian asks after what feels like a lifetime.

My instinct is to rush to her and give her a hug. Her voice is so small and sounds so defeated.

“On my honour it is.”

She finally turns to me, and as I see the tears slowly moving down her red cheeks I cannot help but dash towards her and kneel by her side. My hands gently wipe away the tears that litter her face, and the smile that follows is as bright as the golden sun in my eyes.

“Jillian Holtzmann I fear that I may be so irrevocably yours for the rest of eternity, I have been since the moment our eyes locked, and that frightens me to death. That’s why I ran away yesterday. This is all so new and confusing but I know I should have stayed. Should I possess such an ability I would reverse time and make our first kiss so unforgettable that people would tell the tale just as they would the story of the beginning of the world and use it as an example of the purest and most magical moment that can happen on this earth. I’m sorry I’ve made you feel such sorrow, and please believe me when I say I have never felt this way about anyone else, and that I feel such guilt for making you feel this way.”

Her laugh rings out clear as bell at this. Her hand finds it’s way to my cheek as well, and the warmth and comfort of her palm is one I never want to be without again.

“For what, making me unconditionally happy? What a sorry thing to be upset over love.”

Another moment of silence, yet in this one there is a connection that is finally being made. No words are required to tell us how the other feels. There is no need for sorry or forgive me, that is already a given. All that needs to be said is expressed as we look into each others eyes.

I cannot help as my eyes shift down to her lips as she gives them a gentle bite, and as I look up once more I notice that Jillian’s eyes begin to flutter as she moves slowly towards me. This is our first true kiss. As our lips meet for the second time everything connects. Anything that I was missing is my life finally becomes clear in my mind; it was Jillian, she was a missing part of me.

The kiss is so pure, so moving, a few tears make their way down my face as well. Jillian joins me, kneeling on the floor beside me as we continue to kiss as if our very lives depended on it, and in that moment, they very well did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I know it's been sooo long since I've posted anything but I've had some personal things that I had to deal with. Better late than never right. Anyways, I hope you all like it and feel free to give me any feedback!!

**Author's Note:**

> I really love Jillian and this idea just kinda hit me so I hope you like it! Explicit rating is for later chapters.


End file.
